Smoking Update: Day #8
Ok the Chantix is really getting into my system now.
One of the problems I had in the past was, staying on schedule with taking the pills. I would start off right but the struggles and me not knowing how they would control me, would ultimately knock me back off that wagon. However! By me doing this and by you guys doing what you have done explain things to me or the little words of hope or inspiration have helped to keep me on a better track (Ain't nobody perfect).
The other day one of you (that will remain nameless, no pressure) said the coolest thing that could of been said to me. "Hey man your post is great! Making me think I can do it, might go get some Chantix" WOW!!! Not to many better feeling's that a person can experience other then inspiring another person to, try and better themselves, even if it's just the thought!!!
Just like many MOM's I took a leap with doing all of this and then to post about it here. I was even thinking about letting my post fizzle out or take them to maybe the main forum page. However after a resent PM that reminded me, this right here right now is why MOM is the best (sorry outsiders still love you guys), because this is viewed by us as a little bit more than just a game. Not saying other squads don't put their heart into it, MOM is just one that I was drawn to.
I enjoy the fact that many of you have let many of us, into your life, with some of the personal thing's you have going on. Like, BlüE MäX and his battle with his ex-wife for his child, his artistry and passion for Tattooing, or Davy and his real estate (a passion of mine also), plus the struggle with a manipulating legal system. ParrotHead and his love for the water, his boys, teaching, and to an all around good dude. Poor Big Tex and his fear of spiders, joy for smoking (the other kind). TinkerBell (because your a badass) being from Sweden was one of the very first things I bragged about concerning this game, telling everyone how amazing it is to play real time with a guy from Sweden (still struggling with wrapping my head around that). Paul "The Magic Man" with a Heart so big and beautiful that it may have taken on to much here and kind of sunk into his stomach, we all can't save the world in one day, however keeping the good right here to help hold back the bad is something we have to maintain (Paul you are need just as much as any of us, if I have been apart of something offensive, I sincerely apologize!), so bring back that magic that has been missed by many. WOW just looked back up and I know that I have not even put a Dent(inhead) on the list of great MOM's and great players, you all matter!
Ok...... Lol (ADHD overdrive)
My smoking has started to slow down. I was told again by one of you, when that feeling comes over me to go grab a smoke, tell yourself "ok we will go grab one, but we will do it in a second" next thing you know it is a half hour later! So eight days later I am down to half a pack or less, but I have that good feeling about it vs. that feeling any smoker gets when someone talk to you about quitting (it's an uncontrollable craving for a smoke)! Chantix, plus things I have learned here (even if I was told before), have begun to take hold. I have to tell you..... IT IS AN AWESOME FEELING! THANK YOU!
Ok one other thing.
I told you all I was only letting you guys know about this, however the other day I verbally told another person. In the past when trying to quit, my explosive temper (the fits) would drive my family crazy, resulting in some hurtful comments "geshh dad, babe, asshole, just go! Go get a pack of smokes". I know they did not mean that but, an addict having his addiction pulled away from them, will leave you a crazy person not knowing how to act. Chantix has been the blocker needed to help with that part. So know you know why I have not told my family ,I did not want that excuse to catch me at a weak moment.
Christmas Eve as I was running around (like an idiot) bouncing from store to store, I stopped to get a carton of smokes (not trying to change some patterns to soon, got to be sneaky with the mind), as I walked out the store I looked to my beautiful 15 year old daughter that has asked me to quit hundreds of times (thank you NC public school system), I saw the look in her eye's once again that said "Goshh not more cigarets! I wish he would just quit". So as we were going to the next stop I asked her "Do you want to know a HUGE secret" she of course said "Ahh yes!" I told her to think about it and be sure that she can keep it to herself and I would tell her when I came out of the next store.
Well she assured me that she could, so I asked her if she has noticed anything different about me. She gave me the typical teenager answer with shrugged shoulders and just kind of said "Ahh yah something seems different". I asked if she has noticed how much fumbling and frustrating I had been getting and she was like "Oh yah lol yah" (so nice like I didn't know about it lol) so then I said "I have been getting like that because my body is starting to crave nicotine and the lack of it" she had that stumped look because she has seen me smoking recently then, I explained to her the process, and what I was going thru, and asked her to help me when she sees me getting all goofy, and help keep mamma off of me for a bit when I need it. Still kind of stumped, I pushed her over the edge and said I am trying to quit smoking, and with this being Christmas Eve wanted to say..... Merry Christmas!
She is daddies little girl so she let her eyes welt up but keep them under control before the had to drop! Lol with a lump in her throat she managed to utter "wow that is really cool dad"! Amazing right? Wait gets better! Lol (kids can melt yah) as we were walking up to the next store with my arm around her and hers around me, I told her "you will still see me smoking but it will get less and less", as I gave her that little dad squeeze. Then she looked up at me and said the coolest thing ever(yes another one), "dad I don't care if you can quit or not, I just don't want you to ever stop trying."
Yup she got me with that one! (Lump in throat)
I hope you all are having as good of a day as I am!
Taking my little girl and her cousin out and about for some shopping and might even hit the Elizabeth City Museum!!