I've been asked to start a ASK DAVY tread, i guess my infinite knowledge and expert wisdom has been a subject for deep discussion and appreciation in the FORUM.

I will try real hard to give serious answers to your questions. This thread is absolutely free, no money will exchange hands, however tips are accepted, just PM me and I will give you mailing address.

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

bopes wrote: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

African or European?

BrianC219 wrote:

bopes wrote: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

African or European?

I don't know, but a European one cant carry coconuts.

I wasn't sure if you were talking about the famous line from the MONTY PYTHON movie or of the special talents of a girl i once knew.

If you were talking about the famous movie line than you already know the answer.

If you are talking about the talents of a girl i once knew only i know the answer. BUT HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT IT? WHY ARE YOU THROWING THAT BACK INTO MY FACE. ARE YOU WITH GOVERNMENT. THAT AFFAIR ENDED A LONG TIIME AGO AND I ALREADY PAID THE HUSH MONEY. LEAVE ME ALONE.

NEXT QUESTION PLEASE

Dear Davy,
What should I say when my wife asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Thanks,
Grateful And Dead

Well may God have mercy on your soul if you say No your Butt makes your Butt look fat.... ... Learned that one the hard way...

Why do men have nipples?

What do hangars look like?

Dear Davy,
Now that you have a real Racoon Zebra tail, I wonder if you could help me with a problem I encountered last time I was big game hunting in Masai Mara. Is a zebra white with black stripes or black with white stripes? None of my 75 porters had a clue what I was talking about.

I want to see if you know this. How did the Youtuber PewDiePie come up with his name?

What are we having for our evening meal tonight, Davy, in our temporary looney bin tent?

. . . . .and will there be any custard with the pudding?

YES... LOL... This allready went into overload.
Davy's keyboard is smoking from trying to answer or he's napping...
I did have one Question: You (Davy) mentioned Glue and Horses!
Sometime's I sniff the Glue to see if It's gone bad, And only to see if it's gone bad, Not really kids (just like Milk). Since I didn't realise Horses were an ingredient in glue, Should I sniff the Horse First?

dentinhead wrote: YES... LOL... This allready went into overload.
Davy's keyboard is smoking from trying to answer or he's napping...
I did have one Question: You (Davy) mentioned Glue and Horses!
Sometime's I sniff the Glue to see if It's gone bad, And only to see if it's gone bad, Not really kids (just like Milk). Since I didn't realise Horses were an ingredient in glue, Should I sniff the Horse First?

I knew I was doing something wrong,I was trying to make horses out of glue!

Manfred wrote: Dear Davy,
What should I say when my wife asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Thanks,
Grateful And Dead

DAVY SAYS, TELL HER THIS,

IT'S YOUR FAT THAT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT, NOT YOUR DRESS.

Ronnie Biggs wrote: Dear Davy,
Now that you have a real Racoon Zebra tail, I wonder if you could help me with a problem I encountered last time I was big game hunting in Masai Mara. Is a zebra white with black stripes or black with white stripes? None of my 75 porters had a clue what I was talking about.

DAVY SAYS

THIS QUESTION IS RACIST IN NATURE. THIS QUESTION IS MEANT TO FURTHER DIVIDE THIS NATION ABOUT WHO COMES FIRST, THE WHITES OR THE BLACKS. EVEN THOUGH THE ANSWER IS WHITE I WILL NOT AND I MEAN WILL NOT GET INVOLVED IN THIS QUESTION.

Davy Crockett wrote:

Ronnie Biggs wrote: Dear Davy,
Now that you have a real Racoon Zebra tail, I wonder if you could help me with a problem I encountered last time I was big game hunting in Masai Mara. Is a zebra white with black stripes or black with white stripes? None of my 75 porters had a clue what I was talking about.

DAVY SAYS

THIS QUESTION IS RACIST IN NATURE. THIS QUESTION IS MEANT TO FURTHER DIVIDE THIS NATION ABOUT WHO COMES FIRST, THE WHITES OR THE BLACKS. EVEN THOUGH THE ANSWER IS WHITE I WILL NOT AND I MEAN WILL NOT GET INVOLVED IN THIS QUESTION.

^^^HOLY MOLEY^^^ I can't believe you just said that!

McFate wrote: Why do men have nipples?

DAVY SAYS,

YOUR NIPPLES LINE UP WITH YOUR EARLOBES, HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THAT? YOUR NIPPLES CATCH ANY SOUND THAT YOUR EAR MISSES AND SENDS THE SOUND BACK UP TO THE EAR.

Richyroo wrote:

Davy Crockett wrote:

Ronnie Biggs wrote: Dear Davy,
Now that you have a real Racoon Zebra tail, I wonder if you could help me with a problem I encountered last time I was big game hunting in Masai Mara. Is a zebra white with black stripes or black with white stripes? None of my 75 porters had a clue what I was talking about.

DAVY SAYS

THIS QUESTION IS RACIST IN NATURE. THIS QUESTION IS MEANT TO FURTHER DIVIDE THIS NATION ABOUT WHO COMES FIRST, THE WHITES OR THE BLACKS. EVEN THOUGH THE ANSWER IS WHITE I WILL NOT AND I MEAN WILL NOT GET INVOLVED IN THIS QUESTION.

^^^HOLY MOLEY^^^ I can't believe you just said that!

DAVY SAYS, I DID NOT WRITE THAT, MY COMPUTER WAS HACKED, THIS PERSON MUST BE A GOVERNMENT SPY TRYING TO DISCREDIT MY FINE WORK. IT'S ANOTHER GOVERNMENT FIASCO. MY APOLOGIES FOR THIS GOVERNMENT INTRUSION INTO OUR LIFE'S. I HAVE JUST INSTALLED THE NEW 493-euri TO BLOCK THEM AGAIN.

dentinhead wrote: YES... LOL... This allready went into overload.
Davy's keyboard is smoking from trying to answer or he's napping...
I did have one Question: You (Davy) mentioned Glue and Horses!
Sometime's I sniff the Glue to see if It's gone bad, And only to see if it's gone bad, Not really kids (just like Milk). Since I didn't realise Horses were an ingredient in glue, Should I sniff the Horse First?

DAVY SAYS, YOU CAN SNIFF ALL YOU WANT, IT WILL MAKE THE EXPERIENCE OF KILLING THE HORSE MUCH MORE PERSONAL AND SATISFYING HOWEVER WATCH OUT WHERE YOU PUT YOUR NOSE, IT COULD BE MESSY. ALSO MAKE SURE HORSE IS WELL TIED DOWN AS THIS IS EXCELLENT PRACTICE. IF YOU CAN SUCCESSFULLY TIE DOWN A STRONG HORSE THAN WHEN YOU DO A HUMAN IT WILL BE MUCH EASIER. ENJOY.

the yellow belly wrote: What are we having for our evening meal tonight, Davy, in our temporary looney bin tent?

. . . . .and will there be any custard with the pudding?

DAVY SAYS, HOW DO I KNOW WHAT YOUR DINNER WILL BE. I ANSWER QUESTIONS. I AM NOT A PYCHIC. PLEASE CONSULT PYCHIC.

I have been trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. I have been working on this for twenty years. I am beginning to think that I am supposed to take the wrapper off. Any ideas? HELP!!!!

This is the eternal universal question that everyone want to know. Why do women take so long to get ready?!? I am actually sitting here for half and hour and counting, waiting, on a woman, and I want answers! Thanks

BigC5798 wrote: This is the eternal universal question that everyone want to know. Why do women take so long to get ready?!? I am actually sitting here for half and hour and counting, waiting, on a woman, and I want answers! Thanks

I'm sure Davy has The Answer, but I'll toss in what I was told long ago: Because Men Will Wait.
Manfred

Dear DAVY,

I thought this was for serious questions.....and I have one.

My right leg hasn't got much feeling, so it makes me walk with a limp (right sided).

I had to pedal/walk my bike about 3 miles when it broke down. Now, my left hip hurts and makes me walk with a limp (left sided).

Why doesn't it balance out so I walk with no limp, instead of a double limp?

Skipping doesn't help.

Thank you,
Paul

Davy Crockett wrote:

McFate wrote: Why do men have nipples?

DAVY SAYS,

YOUR NIPPLES LINE UP WITH YOUR EARLOBES, HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THAT? YOUR NIPPLES CATCH ANY SOUND THAT YOUR EAR MISSES AND SENDS THE SOUND BACK UP TO THE EAR.

Dear Davy,

Thank you so much for the explanation. It answers so much! Several years ago I lost a nipple in an unfortunate sweater shaver incident (they never told me you weren't supposed to be wearing the garment when using the device). Now for years, my wife has complained about how I never "listen" and that I never "hear" what she's saying. Now I understand its because of my debilitating nipple injury. I can't wait to explain it to her. She'll be so happy to find out that I haven't been ignoring her.

Manfred wrote:

BigC5798 wrote: This is the eternal universal question that everyone want to know. Why do women take so long to get ready?!? I am actually sitting here for half and hour and counting, waiting, on a woman, and I want answers! Thanks

I'm sure Davy has The Answer, but I'll toss in what I was told long ago: Because Men Will Wait.
Manfred

DAVY SAYS, this is not politically correct, im going to get into trouble again, but here goes.

THE ANSWER IS "FLAWS". LET ME EXPLAIN. WOMEN ALL HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF FLAWS, HUNDREDS OF THEM. IT WILL TAKE THEM HOURS TO COVER UP THOSE FLAWS. THINK ABOUT IT, WOULD YOU HAVE MARRIED HER IF YOU KNEW OF ALL OF THOSE FLAWS. OF COURSE NOT, THEY HAD THEM ALL COVERED UP.

NOW THAT YOU ARE MARRIED YOU KNOW OF ALL OF THOSE FLAWS BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO KNOW, HENCE IT TAKES HOURS TO COVER THEM ALL UP.

MISS HELL, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR SPEAKING THE TRUTH.

I got a few questions actually, why is marijuana illegal? It's really not different from alcohol, ones smoke able other is drinkable. Question two have you hear of "spice gold" "Bizarro" etc spices (herbal incenses) ? They are legal and are more dangerous than marijuana.. I do the herbal incense but that's because I et random drug tested at work. Question three at level 31 ill get a achievement plane correct? Is it any good? Thank you(:

Dr Davy, how can I nuke threads without being caught?

Davy Crockett wrote: I've been asked to start a ASK DAVY tread, i guess my infinite knowledge and expert wisdom has been a subject for deep discussion and appreciation in the FORUM.

I will try real hard to give serious answers to your questions. This thread is absolutely free, no money will exchange hands, however tips are accepted, just PM me and I will give you mailing address.

The Official ASK DAVY Dogfight Disclaimer:
New readers and puckerbutts may find elements of this thread, or perhaps the entire thread, offensive to themselves and to others. If you are a puckerbutt (someone who puckers at the slightest hint of potential offense even when only humor is intended), there is not much we can do. If you are new to the forum, please understand that this thread is meant for humor, or at least a genuine but feeble attempt at it. To those new readers, we apologize to your affected groups, including but not limited to:
- Women
- Men
- Men with nipples
- Men with one nipple
- Women with flaws
- People of color
- People with no color
- People with many colors
- Horses
- Glue
- Full House fans
- James Gandolfini fans
- Zebras with black stripes
- Zebras with white stripes
- People who limp
- People who skip
- People who eat tootsie pops
- Men who need duct tape
- Men who don't
- Soccer fans
- Football fanatics
- Psychics
- Pychics
- Miss Hell and the extended Hell Family
- People who sniff
- People who smell
- People who stink
- People with missing earlobes
- Men who don't listen
- Two year old kids
- Capitalists
- And National Governments that fly black helicopters and listen to everything you say