Paul Mantz, Jr. wrote: Dear DAVY,

I thought this was for serious questions.....and I have one.

My right leg hasn't got much feeling, so it makes me walk with a limp (right sided).

I had to pedal/walk my bike about 3 miles when it broke down. Now, my left hip hurts and makes me walk with a limp (left sided).

Why doesn't it balance out so I walk with no limp, instead of a double limp?

Skipping doesn't help.

Thank you,
Paul

DAVY SAYS, EXCELLENT QUESTION, I HAVE ACTUALLY COME ACROSS THIS BEFORE. THE ANSWER LIES WITHIN YOUR TESTICLES.

YOU SEE, WHEN YOU WALK YOUR TESTICLES ARE SWINGING FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER CAUSING A DOUBLE IMBALANCE. THE BIGGER THE TESTICLES THE MORE SWING YOU HAVE, THE MORE IMBALANCE.

IF YOUR LEGS ARE GOOD AND STRONG THAN YOU DO NOT NOTICE IT BUT ONCE THEY ARE WEAK THAN WATCH OUT.

CORRECTIVE ACTION, SIMPLY DUCT TAPE YOUR TESTICLES TO YOUR BODY. THAT WILL CURE EVERYTHING, REMOVE DUCT TAKE AT HOME.

How come "phonetically" isn't spelled with an "f"?

Davy, what is the correct torque for the axle nut that holds on the wheel hub on a 2000 Dodge Dakota? Or where is my chiltons maintenance book for same vehicle?

I want my question answered now!!!

Why did they cancel Full House?

Dear Dogfight Dr. Phil/Abby

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Allied wrote: Why did they cancel Full House?

I can answer that! It was full!

One wood!

General jackson wrote: I have been trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. I have been working on this for twenty years. I am beginning to think that I am supposed to take the wrapper off. Any ideas? HELP!!!!

DAVY SAYS, SORRY GENERAL IT TOOK AWHILE TO GET THIS ANSWER BACK TO YOU. SINCE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY FROM THE SOUTH I HAD TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS IN SIMPLE TERMS SO THAT EVEN YOU GUYS COULD UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING. THIS IS NO EASY TASK LET ME TELL YOU. NOW PAY ATTENTION.

STEP 1--yes remove the cover, yes remove the cover. Yes remove the cover. If you cannot figure out how to take it off then go find a two year old kid to help you.

Step 2--lick side of tootsie roll pop

Step 3--repeat from step one until center is revealed

Because you are a southerner i will define a lick for you

A lick is when your tongue is run across the tootsie roll pop. Sucking is strictly prohibited. The tongue need not be retracted into the mouth between individual licks though it is found to more pleasant to do so.

My testing showed an average of 252 licks.

Jacob10000 wrote: Davy, what is the correct torque for the axle nut that holds on the wheel hub on a 2000 Dodge Dakota? Or where is my chiltons maintenance book for same vehicle?

TORQUE

---

2 clicks of the wrist

Chiltons Maintenance book--at auto zone

Davy Crockett wrote:

General jackson wrote: I have been trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. I have been working on this for twenty years. I am beginning to think that I am supposed to take the wrapper off. Any ideas? HELP!!!!

DAVY SAYS, SORRY GENERAL IT TOOK AWHILE TO GET THIS ANSWER BACK TO YOU. SINCE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY FROM THE SOUTH I HAD TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS IN SIMPLE TERMS SO THAT EVEN YOU GUYS COULD UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING. THIS IS NO EASY TASK LET ME TELL YOU. NOW PAY ATTENTION.

STEP 1--yes remove the cover, yes remove the cover. Yes remove the cover. If you cannot figure out how to take it off then go find a two year old kid to help you.

Step 2--lick side of tootsie roll pop

Step 3--repeat from step one until center is revealed

Because you are a southerner i will define a lick for you

A lick is when your tongue is run across the tootsie roll pop. Sucking is strictly prohibited. The tongue need not be retracted into the mouth between individual licks though it is found to more pleasant to do so.

Thanks my friend!!!! I will give it a try and let you know. I may have and issue with step 1, but I will try
Thanks!!!!

Blue Max Young wrote: Dear Dogfight Dr. Phil/Abby

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

DAVY SAYS,

ANSWER----A LOT

Answer mine page effort this one

General jackson wrote:

Davy Crockett wrote:

General jackson wrote: I have been trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. I have been working on this for twenty years. I am beginning to think that I am supposed to take the wrapper off. Any ideas? HELP!!!!

DAVY SAYS, SORRY GENERAL IT TOOK AWHILE TO GET THIS ANSWER BACK TO YOU. SINCE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY FROM THE SOUTH I HAD TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS IN SIMPLE TERMS SO THAT EVEN YOU GUYS COULD UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING. THIS IS NO EASY TASK LET ME TELL YOU. NOW PAY ATTENTION.

STEP 1--yes remove the cover, yes remove the cover. Yes remove the cover. If you cannot figure out how to take it off then go find a two year old kid to help you.

Step 2--lick side of tootsie roll pop

Step 3--repeat from step one until center is revealed

Because you are a southerner i will define a lick for you

A lick is when your tongue is run across the tootsie roll pop. Sucking is strictly prohibited. The tongue need not be retracted into the mouth between individual licks though it is found to more pleasant to do so.

Thanks my friend!!!! I will give it a try and let you know. I may have and issue with step 1, but I will try
Thanks!!!!

Thank you very much for that well thought out answer. After many tries and I even asked my squad to help, but I can't figure it out. No one in my squad knows how to get the wrapper off. I guess I will never know

Sp33dymonk3y wrote: I got a few questions actually, why is marijuana illegal? It's really not different from alcohol, ones smoke able other is drinkable. Question two have you hear of "spice gold" "Bizarro" etc spices (herbal incenses) ? They are legal and are more dangerous than marijuana.. I do the herbal incense but that's because I et random drug tested at work. Question three at level 31 ill get a achievement plane correct? Is it any good? Thank you(:

DAVY SAYS, this is an area out of my realm of expertise. You see I'm very old. I come from the generation that got HIGH off of making money, LOTS AND LOTS OF HARD EARNED CASH.

I NEVER HAD MARIJUANA, I LIKE TO KEEP MY BODY CLEAN AND HEALTHY. IT'S YUCKY POO

HATE INCENSES OF ALL KINDS. YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY POO.

I GET HIGH FROM CAPITALISM. MONEY MONEY MONEY, OH I LOVE IT SO.

TURN LEVEL 31 AND ALL YOU GET IS A CHEAP NEW PAINTJOB. CHEAP OUTFIT. WHY I COULDN'T EVEN BUY A NEW PLANE. I WAS VERY SAD.

Davy Crockett wrote:

Paul Mantz, Jr. wrote: Dear DAVY,

I thought this was for serious questions.....and I have one.

My right leg hasn't got much feeling, so it makes me walk with a limp (right sided).

I had to pedal/walk my bike about 3 miles when it broke down. Now, my left hip hurts and makes me walk with a limp (left sided).

Why doesn't it balance out so I walk with no limp, instead of a double limp?

Skipping doesn't help.

Thank you,
Paul

DAVY SAYS, EXCELLENT QUESTION, I HAVE ACTUALLY COME ACROSS THIS BEFORE. THE ANSWER LIES WITHIN YOUR TESTICLES.

YOU SEE, WHEN YOU WALK YOUR TESTICLES ARE SWINGING FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER CAUSING A DOUBLE IMBALANCE. THE BIGGER THE TESTICLES THE MORE SWING YOU HAVE, THE MORE IMBALANCE.

IF YOUR LEGS ARE GOOD AND STRONG THAN YOU DO NOT NOTICE IT BUT ONCE THEY ARE WEAK THAN WATCH OUT.

CORRECTIVE ACTION, SIMPLY DUCT TAPE YOUR TESTICLES TO YOUR BODY. THAT WILL CURE EVERYTHING, REMOVE DUCT TAKE AT HOME.

Dear DAVY,

Thank you for your prompt, concise answer.
It worked perfectly.

All I had was a roll of pink duct tape. I had to use the entire roll (just bragging).

Unfortunately, I misunderstood the actual effects. I looked cute, but I still limped awkwardly. Left, right, right, left, left, skip, skip.....

The next effect I noticed that was because I am slim & after the tape had been applied as per your valuable instructions, I realized I had no pants that would fit. I limped and skipped to the market. However, since I was covered I didn't think shopping would be a problem. The shoppers thought otherwise.


The police officer told me that he was to "investigate" a report of "a crazy old man, dressed only in hot pink duct tape short, really short, shorts. Limping awkwardly, then skipping, then limping and skipping and crying out "darn that hurts" all the while."

Tape your privates and skip. It hurts!

I was beginning doubt your advice. I was wrong.

The cop gave a me ride home. I think he just wanted to end it all without the paper work.

I raced to remove the tape. ONE-QUICK-JERK and I discovered you're a GENIUS!
The tape ripped off hair, skin, and one private.

I haven't felt this much pain in my entire life!
But, thanks to you I have proper balance!

I don't limp anymore! Thank you from my heart!

You're a blessing,
Paul

P.S. How do I stop my incessant SKIPPING?

Why do birds crash into windows?

My question still hasn't been answered.
I have another question, its called why I'm a like a shining star in the dark?

Will there be a sopranos movie now that James gandolfini died (Tony soprano)?

[e]Sputnik wrote: Dr Davy, how can I nuke threads without being caught?

DAVY SAYS, it scares me that you are asking such a serious question.

First off, looking at the world map i cannot locate TREAD, where is it located?

Why would you want to destroy and kill so many people, what country are you from.

This site is monitored so beware of our government intrusion. They are so very good about it. Better start running now. Yes you will be be caught. You and your government will be destroyed. There may be a DRONE outside your window as we speak. GET LOST AND LEAVE OTHER NATIONS ALONE.

[e]Sputnik wrote: My question still hasn't been answered.
I have another question, its called why I'm a like a shining star in the dark?

DAVY SAYS, DON'T WORRY YOUR NOT.

dogss wrote: Will there be a sopranos movie now that James gandolfini died (Tony soprano)?

DAVY SAYS, HUH, WHO EVEN CARES?

Manfred wrote:

Davy Crockett wrote: I've been asked to start a ASK DAVY tread, i guess my infinite knowledge and expert wisdom has been a subject for deep discussion and appreciation in the FORUM.

I will try real hard to give serious answers to your questions. This thread is absolutely free, no money will exchange hands, however tips are accepted, just PM me and I will give you mailing address.

The Official ASK DAVY Dogfight Disclaimer:
New readers and puckerbutts may find elements of this thread, or perhaps the entire thread, offensive to themselves and to others. If you are a puckerbutt (someone who puckers at the slightest hint of potential offense even when only humor is intended), there is not much we can do. If you are new to the forum, please understand that this thread is meant for humor, or at least a genuine but feeble attempt at it. To those new readers, we apologize to your affected groups, including but not limited to:
- Women
- Men
- Men with nipples
- Men with one nipple
- Women with flaws
- People of color
- People with no color
- People with many colors
- Horses
- Glue
- Zebras with black stripes
- Zebras with white stripes
- People who limp
- People who skip
- People who eat tootsie pops
- Men who need duct tape
- Men who don't
- Psychics
- Pychics
- Miss Hell and the extended Hell Family
- People who sniff
- People who smell
- People who stink
- People with missing earlobes
- Men who don't listen
- Two year old kids
- Capitalists
- And National Governments that fly black helicopters and listen to everything you say

DAVY SAYS, THANK YOU FOR THIS DISCLAIMER, I UNDERSTAND IT WAS NEEDED. PLEASE LEAVE ROOM FOR OTHER ENTRIES. THEY ARE PILING ON QUICKLY.

I SIMPLY FELT OFF FROM MY CHAIR!!! MY NECK HURTS FROM ALL THE LAUGHS!!!

I vote for THIS POST as the funnyest post of the month. Anyone?

Now, my question, Davy:

... hm... erm... Forget it. Alessandra is answering right now.

McFate wrote: How come "phonetically" isn't spelled with an "f"?

DAVY SAYS, for the same reason that "LISP" has a "S" in it.
For the same reason there are 5 syllables in monosyllables
For the same reason Americans drive on a parkway and park on a driveway.

HOPE THAT HELPS.

Davy,

Do you know if Joaquin has been picked up by some black SUV's? Can you confirm that Zuperman hasn't bought any foil knickers from you?

Thanks in advance.

I have a confidentiality clause, i cannot confirm nor deny. Im sure that you RICHY, being one of my best customers, would appreciate that. ALL MY SALES ARE TOP TOP SECRET.


Oh yeah, before i forget, thanks ZUPERMAN for your order, it has been shipped.

Why do people drive on parkways and park on driveways?

if bacon is bacon,(which I hope it is) and cookies are cookies,
why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?

M4rtin wrote: Okay Davy:

How can Spain get beaten 3-0 by Brasil yesterday? Inquiring minds would like to now!

Congratulations Pedrinho, you guys played excellent, especially the first half, job well done!

DAVY SAYS, the way that you score in a stupid soccer game is for a stupid player to kick a stupid ball into a stupid net.

Spain was not able to get a stupid player to kick a stupid ball into the stupid net.

Brazil WAS ABLE to get a stupid player to kick a stupid ball into the stupid net 3 times.

Hence they win.