CalvinIsAwesome wrote: Rufus is a great pilot. I want him.

POST NUMBER FOUR THOUSAND!!!!!!!

SheiBe Kopf wrote:

Welcome to The Official M.O.M Thread.

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To join the actual squadron, go here:
www.dogfightplay.com/management/squadmgnt/
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To give yourself a Squad-Tag (so we may properly identify ourselves in game), go here .

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M.O.M. Board of Admissions

Big Tex
bopes
B Strachan
Dentinhead
dogss
Farcanal/farkinell
Jimmy the Lip
SheiBe Kopf/ScheiBe Kopf
. Wigbomb

Members

IN MEMORIAM

Current Members

SheiBe Kopf/ScheiBe Kopf
B Strachan
Dentinhead
.Wigbomb
dogss
bopes
Farcanal/farkinell
btschuman/[M.O.M]beatea
Seattle
Big Tex
HatinRing
Paul Mantz, Jr./Paul[MOM]tz,Jr
ktheo
SB467
iQQi
Mavrk12/[M.O.M]mavrk
oedius
Gary-the-Pink
hansone
whitenow
Gaavster
Dannydrooler
Player To Be Named Later
FatBob
ZandorHawke/Zandor Hawke
EddieRickenbaker
felabad
LD Dutchkiller
new jersey devil/mean ole devil
Galahad
Nazis
Sparky8977
Trigger
Fredneck
Doghouse666/doghouse
Chanoc
*Cloudbuster*
BLAKHAWK
Junkhole61
salento/B-9101
Snoopy II
polishbob
Capt. Montebon
Player To Be Named Later
Duckwing1
Shatners Bassoon
Netredding
Marko99
Quiet
D_N/*D_N*
Coop
keithg83
Ender/ender@MOM
JPisski/jonyoung
Flying Muck


Prodigy Pilots

[e]Sputnik/Sputnik
Conoco
Killerbadger





These are the current confirmed members. If you are a member and wish to be listed, please respond accordingly in this thread.
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Official Rules and Owner’s Manual for your 2012 MOM LX5000

The following rules are to be adhered to on pain of death or something really serious:

Rule 1 – There are no rules in M.O.M.

Rule 2 – There is no lying in M.O.M.

Rule 3 – Rule 2 is a lie.

Rule 4 – No member of M.O.M. will engage in team killing (shooting at members of his own team) spawn killing (shooting at the comic book character Spawn) or spawn raping (we don’t recommend raping anyone but if you must, we recommend you try to rape Spawn. Give us a heads up first so we can come watch.) We regard these practices as craven, dishonorable, weak, gutless, moronic and none of us engages in any of them more than once or twice per mission.

Rule 5 – Language: we encourage the use of language in M.O.M. Hand gestures don’t work so hot online.

Rule 7 – Math was our favorite subject to skip in school so we could go out back and have us a smoke of...we mean, do some independent horticultural research. Education is a wonderful thing. But really, the computer site gizmo keeps track of your kills so who needs it?

Rule 8 – Any member who doesn’t show up on time for his shift will be docked a half day’s pay.

Rule 9 – All members of M.O.M. must be courteous and polite to fellow players. Say “Thank you so much” after shooting someone down. If it happens to be a player you despise, say, “Thank you so much you miserable mother f*cking son of a b*tch.” Then strafe him in his chute.

Rule 10 – All members will adhere to the M.O.M. Principles of Flight, as follows:
Fly at least a little above the ground.
Shoot the red guys.
Bomb stuff.
Have some cake.

Age and Other Requirements for Membership in M.O.M.:

Pilots applying for squadron membership must be between the ages of 21 and 174. Unless you’re really, really good. Then you can be 3 and we wouldn’t give a rat’s ascot.
For the most part M.O.M. pilots are in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s after which point we forget how to count that high or what we just had for lunch. It looked like it used to be peas.

Anyone of any age may apply to join M.O.M. A select few underage pilots will be admitted as “Prodigy” members and treated like dirt. You can get even by treating your own kids like dirt when you’re as old as most members of M.O.M.

Applications will be subject to review by the M.O.M. Board of Admissions, consisting of: Big Tex, bopes, Farkinell, dogss, B Strachan, Dentinhead, SheiBe Kopf. Wigbomb and an albino raccoon called Jimmy the Lip. In case of a 6-5 tie the applicant him/herself will have the tie breaking vote.


Applications should be submitted in the form of a hand written email on standard 8.5x11 paper with decorations in either poster paint, colored pencil, crayon or the blood of a virgin. Some form of death and/or ice hockey must be incorporated into the imagery. A forum post containing the words, “Hey you old clowns, can I join?” will also be acceptable.

Bribery is encouraged and will almost certainly get you in. Cash is preferred but hookers, crack, liquor, DVD’s or virgins (with blood still intact) will be considered. Strachan likes a nice redhead and SheiBe prefers a vintage Chardonnay. The rest of us aren’t that particular.

If you believe in the notion that a game can be played with mutual respect in the spirit of friendly competition and a healthy hatred of Lady GaGa, write and tell us. Above all M.O.M. is dedicated to the having of fun. Even if it means killing you. There isn’t much we wouldn’t do for a laugh, and seeing you die is fairly high on the list. Become one of us or risk utter and complete annihilation at the hands and feet of M.O.M. Or, y’know, just, um, like…don’t. That’d be cool, too.

MOMifesto

We, the members of M.O.M., The Mean Old Men, dedicate ourselves to the following principles:

We don’t know what principles are, strictly speaking, so none of these are likely to be one.

We take everything about MOM really, really seriously. There is no humor in MOM.

Intolerance will not be tolerated. No player, person or pixel is too white, too black, too large, too small, too male, female, advanced or insignificant to be shot. All MOM’s children are equal, and all are equally dead in the eyes of MOM.

MOM membership age restrictions must always be observed and enforced. Therefore, any player found to be of any age will be summarily killed.

If you speak to other players with disrespect, rudeness, cruelty or hatred MOM will hunt you down and destroy you. And laugh without saying LOL. It’s a sardonic laugh, not a funny laugh. Remember, no humor.

There are no such words as LOL, ROFLMAO, prolly, cya, thx or sry. Use them and you will be killed by MOM. Unless you are in MOM. Then you can say whatever you please.

MOM decrees that all twelve year olds must die.

MOM decrees that all fourteen year olds must die.

MOM decrees that all sixteen year olds…you get the idea.

Get the hell off our lawn.

All those who observe the MOM squad tag in combat and who do not, themselves, bear the MOM squad tag, must immediately autodestroy. Any member of MOM who observes a non-member of MOM not autodestroying after observing a member of MOM may manually destroy that non-MOM member, and will. There are no exceptions.

MOM does not maintain an independent web site because MOM does not care enough. And nobody in MOM would visit the site because all MOM members are much too mean.
Web sites are for the young. Killing the young without needing a web site is for MOM.

Cake tastes good.

MOM Squadron members acknowledge their brotherhood in the skies and pledge themselves to uphold the principle that MOM does not suck but you, if you are not MOM, do.

Religious zealotry will not be countenanced within the ranks of MOM. If you are a Muslim MOM will throw a Christian at you and kill you. If you are a Jew MOM will throw a Hindu at you and kill you. Within individual religions MOM will beat a Protestant to death using a Catholic as a club. We accept all faiths, philosophies, lifestyles, preferences, and kill them. Buddhists get a pass on this one because they’re nice.

In summary; MOM patrols the skies of Dogfight, the tiny game with the great big list of squadrons that so far don’t do anything, killing everything hateful, mean, insensitive, unkind, disrespectful or alive. And particularly young alive things. MOM hates those the most. Young things make MOM feel mean.

We, the pilots of MOM, fight for Truth, Justice, and the Mean Old Way. Now, seriously, get the hell off our lawn. Don’t make MOM tell you twice.


Alright, ingrates stop reading this rubbish and go tell your MOM you love

her

*Cloudbuster* wrote: Calvin you really are MOM Prodigy material. I don't know why you're wasting your time over at Enigma. You're just a line item over there, part of the rank and file, a statistic in a big, nameless, faceless bureaucracy. You punch in, you punch out. I've seen the Enigma squadron clubhouse. Big steel gates, tinted windows....gloomy, cold and univiting. Mordor meets Manhattan. It may seem exciting now, but I guarantee you, you'll be doing the dirty work over there. Sweeping, mopping, dusting, washing windows, making the coffee, fluffing Slenderman's pillow before bedtime. That's no way to live when you can be a treasured Prodigy over at
MOM!

*Cloudbuster* wrote: Calvin you really are MOM Prodigy material. I don't know why you're wasting your time over at Enigma. You're just a line item over there, part of the rank and file, a statistic in a big, nameless, faceless bureaucracy. You punch in, you punch out. I've seen the Enigma squadron clubhouse. Big steel gates, tinted windows....gloomy, cold and univiting. Mordor meets Manhattan. It may seem exciting now, but I guarantee you, you'll be doing the dirty work over there. Sweeping, mopping, dusting, washing windows, making the coffee, fluffing Slenderman's pillow before bedtime. That's no way to live when you can be a treasured Prodigy over at
MOM!

Paul Mantz, Jr. wrote:

*Cloudbuster* wrote: Calvin you really are MOM Prodigy material. I don't know why you're wasting your time over at Enigma. You're just a line item over there, part of the rank and file, a statistic in a big, nameless, faceless bureaucracy. You punch in, you punch out. I've seen the Enigma squadron clubhouse. Big steel gates, tinted windows....gloomy, cold and univiting. Mordor meets Manhattan. It may seem exciting now, but I guarantee you, you'll be doing the dirty work over there. Sweeping, mopping, dusting, washing windows, making the coffee, fluffing Slenderman's pillow before bedtime. That's no way to live when you can be a treasured Prodigy over at
MOM!

Judy here. Paul insisted i respond quickly to this.

"Slim is the brains and Cal is the heart of enigma. we already have both. Let's make him an honorary member"

And this morning he had feeling in his fingers. Bob said you will never see him in a female nurses uniform.

*Cloudbuster* wrote: Okay -- honorary member. He should just know that he isn't entitled to the iron on MOM insignia patch, the secret decoder ring or the lifetime 20% discount at his local participating "Steak and Shake." Don't even think about the secret handshake young man. Membership does have it's privileges. Continued luck with your recovery Paul.
*Cloud*

CalvinIsAwesome wrote: That's great, Judy! I'm glad that he's making some recovery. What exactly was the procedure?

Haha, I'm honored, but I'm sticking with Enigma. I can only get demoted so many more times before there's nothing left to do to me. I see that as a victory.

Oh, and another reason I can't join. In Enigma, I've got backup. If I joined MOM, everyone would enforce their rules, including:

"MOM decrees that all fourteen year olds must die."

If I join, I will get dead.

CalvinIsAwesome wrote: That's great, Judy! I'm glad that he's making some recovery. What exactly was the procedure?

Haha, I'm honored, but I'm sticking with Enigma. I can only get demoted so many more times before there's nothing left to do to me. I see that as a victory.

Oh, and another reason I can't join. In Enigma, I've got backup. If I joined MOM, everyone would enforce their rules, including:

"MOM decrees that all fourteen year olds must die."

If I join, I will get dead.

. Wigbomb wrote: Seven qualifies, alright. Blink and you'll see him closing in on the top of the top 100 list. he also happens to be one of my closest acquaintances in the game, dating all the way back to when we both began playing at about the same time. He's as stand-up, forthright, honorable and considerate a player as I ever expect to meet here, a natural born member of M.O.M if ever there was one. He's also had some less than pleasant experiences at the hands of "older players" including some of us. He feels pretty strongly about instilling values in younger players, leading by example, not spawn killing...and definitely not bad mouthing other, younger players in-game. I suspect he's just hit the wrong jackpot a couple times and caught one or the other of us on our less than best behavior. So, we'll see. I want him in both as a brilliant player and as a friend, but if nothing else he'll need some time. Some players fill you with delight when they're blue and dread when they're red, he's one I always look forward to seeing, color notwithstanding.

Speaking of color and dread: there's a 15 year old kid lurking somewhere in here called cameron9900. I thought I'd heard it all but this f*cking pig takes the cake. (different cake, Sput...sorry for the expletive) He was a non-stop stream of graphic verbal abuse, some of it squeamishly sexual, plenty of gay-bashing, almost all of it off-the-chart blatant racism. At 15. It made me feel physically ill. Like the scumbag Tex ran into some weeks ago, N****r Hater, (A favorite word of this kid's, too) I intend to take as many team killing bans as the system cares to dole out on any occasion I run into him again. That's a party you're all invited to join...

*420* wrote: So..............where is this rule #6? It seems to be missing

Duckwing1 wrote: Rule #6 is protect the Duck. Hey sweetie it's great seeing you

Paul Mantz, Jr. wrote: Paul here. Voice typing with help.

Thank all of you for your good wishes and prayers.
Sput the duck brought me good luck.

Judy is a hottie, a former model. 60 and single.

Duck good luck buddy!
Dog percs? I get morphine a little while longer. The real pain starts now. Best to you.
Lots to say but hard to do it. Many thanks to all of you again. The joy of laughter is very healing.

Doghouse666 wrote:

Paul Mantz, Jr. wrote: Paul here. Voice typing with help.

Thank all of you for your good wishes and prayUers.
Sput the duck brought me good luck.

Judy is a hottie, a former model. 60 and single.

Duck good luck buddy!
Dog percs? I get morphine a little while longer. The real pain starts now. Best to you.
Lots to say but hard to do it. Many thanks to all of you again. The joy of laughter is very healing.

Get better faster paul! The morphine drip is nice...but not needing it is better. My thoughts are with you...and Judy, former model you say...