have a laff on me

Great job dog, u started a good thread here.....

Obama

Hahahahahahahahaha good one Davy

Four men are walking, three of them walk into a bar...the fourth one ducks

two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other "hey, does this guy taste funny to you?"

My local ice cream man was found
dead in his van. He was covered
in strawberry sauce and hundreds
and thousands, and had a flake
sticking out of his ear.
Police say he topped himself.

Hilary Clinton running as president...

At work, some time ago I went to the toilet. There are several cubicles, side by side, with doors (of course).
At the time I entered the toilet, there was no one else in the room. So I was sitting there, dropping some, when I heard the main door opening and closing, and some footsteps indicating a guy entered the room.

By the noise, I noticed he entered the cubicle next to the one I was. Of course, since his arival, I tried to make no sound...

Some seconds of complete silence followed.

Then, he said:
- Hey...

I thought "what the hell...", but to be polite, I answered:
- Hello...

He asked:
- Are you busy now?

I said, with an embarassed tone:
- Well, man, what do you think? Of course I am busy right now!!!!!!

Some seconds after, he asked:
- May I meet you right now?

I almost jumped out from my sit, and shouted, showing my indignation:
- Hey, man, who do you think I am? Get out!!!!!

Then, keeping his sooth voice tone, the man said:
- Sorry, honey, I have to hang up, I call you later. There is a crazy idiot next to me thinking I'm talking to him.

Bob, an extremely wealthy 65-year-old widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast.
At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'

Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

'I lied about my age', Bob replies.

'What, so you told her you were only 55?'

Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 85.'

JesseJames82 wrote: Hilary Clinton running as president...

Lol lol,

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, " Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please ? "

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman,

The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...'

The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'

The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent..

The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'

'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

---

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar..

The barman says, 'Who are you?',

To which he is answered,

'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous..

You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

The rabbit says, 'Yes I know..'

The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.

The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

After a short pause, the rabbit said...

'Mixin-me-toasties.'

Hmmm... I wish I could understand this last one.



====

Edit: It remains me a similar one:

A kangaroo enters a bar.
The guys stoped drinking, amazed by that weird scene.
And they became astonished when they witnessed the kangarro TALKING to the barman:
- I want a pint of whiskey.

The barman, petrified, hands shaking... The kangaroo insisted:
- Hey, are you deff? I want a whiskey!

The customers flabbergasted.

The barman, sweating, filled a cup with a dose of whiskey, always staring at the kangaroo.

The kangaroo swallowed the whiskey, and asked:
- How much?

The barman, with a trembling voice, answsered:
- Its... its... 12 dollars...

The kangaroo took the money from his belly pocket, paid, and silently went to the exit door.

When he reached the door, he turned around, and realised every single man at the bar was staring him.

Then the kangaroo asked:

- Why the hell are you looking at me that way?

The barman ansered:

- Sorry, but it is the first time we ever see a kangaroo entering a bar and asking for a drink.

The kangaroo said:

- Its the first and LAST time, because with that PRICE, I will never come back here.

[LB] Pedrinho wrote: Hmmm... I wish I could understand this last one.

Me too. lol

When I and Alessandra decided to get married (well... when SHE decided it was time for us to get married), my aunt (who is a well known colaborator of the catholic parish of my home town) said:

- Then you will get married in my Church!

But being it a church I never went to before, the local Priest asked my aunt to tell us to go to the parish before the marriage, for him to have a chat with us - after all, he didnt even met us before.

We agreed to give him an "interview".

He then asked us several (sometimes ridiculous) questions. And then, after almost an hour of an embarassing interrogation, he asked to Alessandra, with an incisive look:

- My dear, what do you think about sex before marriage?

Alessandra then answered:

- Well, Father... Providing it doesn't knead the dress and don't delay the ceremony, I have nothing against it...

[LB] Pedrinho wrote: At work, some time ago I went to the toilet. There are several cubicles, side by side, with doors (of course).
At the time I entered the toilet, there was no one else in the room. So I was sitting there, dropping some, when I heard the main door opening and closing, and some footsteps indicating a guy entered the room.

By the noise, I noticed he entered the cubicle next to the one I was. Of course, since his arival, I tried to make no sound...

Some seconds of complete silence followed.

Then, he said:
- Hey...

I thought "what the hell...", but to be polite, I answered:
- Hello...

He asked:
- Are you busy now?

I said, with an embarassed tone:
- Well, man, what do you think? Of course I am busy right now!!!!!!

Some seconds after, he asked:
- May I meet you right now?

I almost jumped out from my sit, and shouted, showing my indignation:
- Hey, man, who do you think I am? Get out!!!!!

Then, keeping his sooth voice tone, the man said:
- Sorry, honey, I have to hang up, I call you later. There is a crazy idiot next to me thinking I'm talking to him.

yes, just..... yes. Beautiful, bravo, amazing lol sorry, cackled over that one

Natani wrote: yes, just..... yes. Beautiful, bravo, amazing lol sorry, cackled over that one

Is that some sort of saying "hummm... its a 2 out of 10" or something like that?


===

Edit: I mean, really, didnt get what you meant...

[LB] Pedrinho wrote:

Natani wrote: yes, just..... yes. Beautiful, bravo, amazing lol sorry, cackled over that one

It means I legitimately liked it, cackled with glee, lol cheeky laughing, sorry for the confusion
Is that some sort of saying "hummm... its a 2 out of 10" or something like that?


===

Edit: I mean, really, didnt get what you meant...

OH, whew... thanks!
And sorry for my bad English, it always throws me in such confusions.

GAW wrote:

[LB] Pedrinho wrote: Hmmm... I wish I could understand this last one.

Me too. lol

Try google ing Myxomatosis.

A monk approaches a hotdog stand and says “make me one with everything”.

The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the monk, who pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.

“Excuse me, but where’s my change?” asks the monk.

The vendor replied, “Change must come from within.”

.

Lol

Pedrinho

That bathroom stall joke just may be one of the funniest I have ever heard. I really hope that's a true story and not just a joke. It makes it all the better.

This one's for Davy.

So an old man goes and buys himself some new boots. He puts them on and walks in front of his wife and says "What do you think?"

Old lady says "What, you look the same as you always do!"

Angry that she didn't notice his boots, he takes off all of his clothes except for the boots and goes walking back to his wife. "Now what do you think?"

"What?!" She yells. "It's that same old dangly thing you always had!"

"It's looking at my new BOOTS, Marge. It's looking at my BOOTS!"

"Well", she says, "If it's looking at your boots, I wish you woulda bought a HAT!"

someone finally got a move on zebra

Little harry an billy were walking to school they decide to climb a tree in doing so harry fell an got hurt an had to go to hospital billy goes to school tells teacher that harry fell out of tree an stick got stuck up azz teacher said no billy not that name rectum billy said recked him hell damn near killed him

The daughter asks her Dad, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand.
"He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

Her Dad said, "You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe."