Little Jimmy asked his granny where she was going on her bicycle.
"To the cemetary, Jimmy." she said.
" But who is gonna return the bike? he wondered.


Caren said that she by mistake went into the men's sauna.
Before she could blush, she shouted: ”Hi, any of you girls seen my glasses?"


Annie: ”Do you always honestly tell your husband whether you had an orgasm?"
Jane: "No,.....he doesn't like me calling him at work too often."

Lol Big Gunzzzzz,
IT took me 3 month to understand what MORAF is!
No JOKE aswell. ....

Yep and I was bombing the carriers in catch the carrier games when I was new didn't understand why I got no points

[GI3] MG 08/15 wrote: Lol Big Gunzzzzz,
IT took me 3 month to understand what MORAF is!
No JOKE aswell. ....

Quit clowning around ...lol

*111|Royal Flush wrote: Four men are walking, three of them walk into a bar...the fourth one ducks

two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other "hey, does this guy taste funny to you?"

I didnt know where engines were on the zepplin until about 4 months ago. I was shooting at the 2 places where the passengers ride that hang from bottom front and back of zepplin
...lol

D93 Big Gunzzz wrote: This is not a joke, but it sure is funny.

When I first started playing DF I would often hear players saying "did you drop", "are you dropping", "are we dropping", "I dropped one" or "two",....well anything drop related.

I was thinking to myself "these freaking guys are crazy".

I have a feeling many may smoke "silly sticks" while playing DF, which I can understand. But to "drop"? You gotta be nuts!

See the thing is that the only time I ever heard of people referring to "dropping" was when they dropped hits of ecstasy.

I was like "these freaks are dropping to play DF...WTF is wrong with them"?

I had no idea what you guys were talking about until some time later on.

OOPS....MY BAD

Best one I've heard in a long time.....I hope it isn't true!

``We will not have him put down. Lucky is basically a damn good guide dog,'' Ernst Gerber, a dog trainer from Wuppertal told reporters. ``He just needs a little brush-up on some elementary skills, that's all.''

Gerber admitted to the press conference that Lucky, a German shepherd guide-dog for the blind, had so far been responsible for the deaths of all four of his previous owners. ``I admit it's not an impressive record on paper.
He led his first owner in front of a bus, and the second off the end of a pier.
He actually pushed his third owner off a railway platform just as the Cologne to Frankfurt express was approaching and he walked his fourth owner into heavy traffic, before abandoning him and running away to safety.
But, apart from epileptic fits, he has a lovely temperament. And guide dogs are difficult to train these days.''

Asked if Lucky's fifth owner would be told about his previous record, Gerber replied: ``No. It would make them nervous, and would make Lucky nervous. And when Lucky gets nervous he's liable to do something silly.''

Lol. ...It is true in Germany

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

A set of triplets in the womb are talking about what they are going to be when they grow up.

The first one says a electrician so I can fix the lights in here.

The second one says a plumber so I can fix all the leaking in here.

The third one says a boxer the other 2 ask why the 3rd triplet replied so I can knock out that prick that keeps coming in here.

I went to the doctor

The doctor said, I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample

I just handed him my underwear

Transport For London (TFL) never on time always complaining about their pay. Yet they're happy to make people late for work or take longer journeys so like tonight early hours this morning a 2 hour bus journey home took me 3 and a half hours to get home so looks like I wont be getting sleep in due to having to be back at work in 10hours and 10 minutes and I need at least 6hours sleep and 2 to wake up properly and 2 to travel to work so I'm gonna be running on fumes cause TFL are a complete joke.

You all know what 69 is rite whats 87? Ate more.drum rolllllll

ÐélíWølf{WP*} wrote: Transport For London (TFL) never on time always complaining about their pay. Yet they're happy to make people late for work or take longer journeys so like tonight early hours this morning a 2 hour bus journey home took me 3 and a half hours to get home so looks like I wont be getting sleep in due to having to be back at work in 10hours and 10 minutes and I need at least 6hours sleep and 2 to wake up properly and 2 to travel to work so I'm gonna be running on fumes cause TFL are a complete joke.

Okay okay okay!! Are you trying to insult us through this post???

A son asked his mother the following question:
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and
replies:
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'

The father looks at his son in surprise and says:






'Son, all household appliances come in white

lol jk

A man walks into a bar with a paperbag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9" high and sets him on the counter.
He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.
He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing beautiful piece by Mozart!

'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp.
He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.'
So the bartender rubs it and there is a great gust of smoke and and a beautiful genie is standing before him.
'I will grant you one wish... Just one wish... Each person is only allowed one!'

The bartender gets real excited! Without hesitating he says, 'I want a million bucks!'

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another.
Pretty sooon the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I`asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.'

'No sh!t!! says the man. 'Do you really think I asked for a 9" pianist?!'

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

First up, I'm not one to be offensive, racist, misogynist or generally discrimatory, but I do enjoy the occasional really, really bad taste joke. You know, the kind of joke that is so funny that the world needs to know it, but so offensive by that nobody has the courage to say it. I'm not ashamed to say that these jokes crack me up, because they cross the cringe boundary while still being hilarious.

Take the Oscar Pistorius story, you know the legless South African sprinter who shot and killed his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. A very tragic tale, but so much to work on if you're cruel enough. I heard from a very cruel friend that all Oscar really wanted was a new bathroom door, but unfortunately Reeva was dead against it...... I've heard from others that she had it coming because she was using the disabled toilet..... Now those are terrible things to say. I wouldn't dream of repeating gags like that in public, but I can't help smiling when I think of them.

.





with style

The same applies to DF planes (and in some cases squads).

So, an Irishman walks out of a bar...

i found this made me laugh

I was chatting to a friend about music the other day and somehow got onto the subject of Michael Jackson, basically whether or not radio stations should still play his music. On the one hand he was a musical genius, but on the other he was a demented, predatory poedophile. We argued for some time, but eventually agreed that he wasn't all bad; at least he made sure his chauffeur drove slowly and carefully through school zones. Now that is the mark of a good citizen!

Saint West Sr. wrote: So, an Irishman walks out of a bar...

That's pretty good, it reminds me of the time I was at a pub with an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. This place was a dive, and when we all ordered a pint, our beers arrived each with a fly in them. Being an American with American sensibilities I consider sending the beer back, but then I thought, "I wonder how these guys treat this situation?" Each of my pub mates had a different reaction.

The Englishman calmly removed the fly from the beer with his fingers and set it on the table, then took a big drink.

The Irishman calmly removed the fly from the beer with his fingers, gave the fly a shake over the beer, set it down, then took a big drink.

The Scotsman, calmly grabbed the fly, held it over his beer and shouted, "SPIT IT OUT!! SPIT IT OUT!!!"

What's better than winning gold in the Paralympics?

redneck dream catcher

Why does Peter Pan fly all the time?

I don't care for political jokes...

too many of them get elected