Lets bring some laughs back to the game....this thread is for everyone to use to post some funny jokes or funny pictures to bring some positive laughs back to df...feel free to share your jokes and I've heard some good ones here in df so bring the laughs guys!!!Please feel free to share your humor with the rest of us..... This thread is for humor and not to take personal but try to keep your humor clean.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

gunnerzz wrote: A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

haha good one!

Blonde-what does "idk" stand for?
Burnett-"I dont know"
Blonde-"omg, nobody does"

An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!

I pasted Stalin's face on this and did his hair!


Now I did Charlie Brown!


Justin Bieber!


A corgi!

P.S I used the Toca Boca Hair Salon Me app to make these.

Wife: "How would you describe me?" 
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." 
Wife: "What does that mean?" 
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." 
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" 
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were chatting

-Redhead: I'll be the first woman in moon!
-Brunette: I'll be the first person in mars!
-Blonde: Yeah? well... I'll be the first person in the sun!
-Brunette: but you'll burn!
-Blonde: Don't worry, I'll go at night

A man dies and goes to heaven, when he gets there he see's all the clocks with other peoples names on them. He ask God, "God, what are all these clocks for?" God replies "well, each time someone lies there clock gets some time taken away and the hand moves" the mans see's everyones but aske God "well, is see everyones but where Obamas"? God answers back "its in Jesus's office being used as a ceiling fan"

the child says:god bess mommy god bless daddy and plz ake calais the capital of france
the dada says:why do u want calais the capital of france?
kids says:thats what i wrote on my geography test.

Hahahah

lol thank u

So, a young man is preparing to take his girlfriend to the prom. However, he realizes that he has to go shopping for a tux and flowers first.

First, he goes to get a tuxedo. Several other people are in the store, and he has to wait in line for maybe half an hour.

When that is finished, he goes to but flowers. Unfortunately, the florist shop is also full, and he is forced to wait in another line.

That night, he reaches the prom with his girlfriend. They are late though, and stand behind an enormous line to get pictures taken.

Finally, during the dance, she asks him to go get punch, and there is no punch line here.

For some reason, I still laugh my figurative rear end off whenever I watch this video.

Mac wrote: So, a young man is preparing to take his girlfriend to the prom. However, he realizes that he has to go shopping for a tux and flowers first.

First, he goes to get a tuxedo. Several other people are in the store, and he has to wait in line for maybe half an hour.

When that is finished, he goes to but flowers. Unfortunately, the florist shop is also full, and he is forced to wait in another line.

That night, he reaches the prom with his girlfriend. They are late though, and stand behind an enormous line to get pictures taken.

Finally, during the dance, she asks him to go get punch, and there is no punch line here.

NOOOOOOOOO! So unfulfilling, so...NOT RIGHT! Baaaaaaaah!

Great thread Gunzz, love it! Heres a short vid I did for my wifes old boss.

Heres another based on my famous rages at work, lol!

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped Centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!“

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Its OK, thats not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop
and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a
doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled
back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you.

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

We should have two seaters in this game:





And one more:

Is religious humor allowed?..........making fun of religions, that is.

This guy is walking along a dirt road when he stubbles upon an redneck lying on the ground with his ear in the dirt.


"Are you alright? What are you doing?" the man asks but gets no answer at all.

The redneck doesn't even acknowledge that he is there.

So after a while of silence the man asks again, "Can I help you sir?"

The redneck replies this time. "Ford pick-up truck, blue, 18 inch rims, two passengers, female driver."

"Wow! You can tell all that by listening to the ground!" the man says.

"NO" The redneck replies with a shocked look on his face "The bitch ran over me 10 minutes ago!"

Rudolf Rednose wrote: Is religious humor allowed?..........making fun of religions, that is.

I would hope that its ok Rudolf this thread is for humor if one takes offense to a joke just please move on ...this thread is fun and no one should get upset over a joke I hope!!

Rudolf Rednose wrote: Is religious humor allowed?..........making fun of religions, that is.

I would hope that its ok Rudolf this thread is for humor if one takes offense to a joke just please move on ...this thread is fun and no one should get upset over a joke I hope!!

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.

"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"