Flying muck wrote:

D I E S E L wrote: Brian, I payed 3 months in a row and had to wait to play the whole time... so now I dont pay or play.
Talked to Z about it, well his response was kinda "oh well" with a web address that went no where ...
That Tank game, well I get taking out right away and yup, BACK TO waiting 5 minutes... lol WTH

Platoon with me sometime in that tank game and I'll try and keep you alive

Lol that's big doing there John
Brian... I need more then 5 minutes for that... Over 50 and all...

D I E S E L wrote:

Flying muck wrote:

D I E S E L wrote: Brian, I payed 3 months in a row and had to wait to play the whole time... so now I dont pay or play.
Talked to Z about it, well his response was kinda "oh well" with a web address that went no where ...
That Tank game, well I get taking out right away and yup, BACK TO waiting 5 minutes... lol WTH

Platoon with me sometime in that tank game and I'll try and keep you alive

Lol that's big doing there John
Brian... I need more then 5 minutes for that... Over 50 and all...

Look...... Sorry to be the one to break it to you....
No mater how hard you try, they cant hear you thru the screen.
Now that your "in the know" your time should drop way below five minutes.
See.... All that chit chat was costing you!!!

Originally Posted: 2011-09-13 10:32pm
Yoga mat for sale. Used once.
Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:

11:45a
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.

11:55a
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.

11:57a
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.

11:58a
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.

11:59a
Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.

12:00p
Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed.

12:02p
Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class.

12:10p
It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.)

12:26p
It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond.

12:33p
It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on.

12:40p
The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him.

12:44p
I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.

12:52p
It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see.

12:55p
This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok?

1:01p
140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!

1:09p
150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed.
I lose consciousness.

1:15p
I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out.

1:17p
I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok?

1:20p
It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something?

1:30p
Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up.

1:34p
My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door.

1:37p
The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring.

1:47p
Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir.

3:47p
Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body.

4:29p
Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am.


Location: Bellevue
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

post id: 2597736393 email to friend ♥ best of [?]

Did you post that once before Brian? I feel like I have read that

GHOSTRIDER1 wrote: Did you post that once before Brian? I feel like I have read that

Good question.... Read it or lived it... Hummmm????


However, no I just saw it on FaceBook... Why FaceBook, you might ask? Because no one really gives a Rat's Pattutty, when it runs like crap!

(Yah life has come to that sad sad sad point, of turning to FB to help curb gaming addiction....sigh.....)

YEMX wrote:

D I E S E L wrote:

Flying muck wrote:

D I E S E L wrote: Brian, I payed 3 months in a row and had to wait to play the whole time... so now I dont pay or play.
Talked to Z about it, well his response was kinda "oh well" with a web address that went no where ...
That Tank game, well I get taking out right away and yup, BACK TO waiting 5 minutes... lol WTH

Platoon with me sometime in that tank game and I'll try and keep you alive

Lol that's big doing there John
Brian... I need more then 5 minutes for that... Over 50 and all...

Look...... Sorry to be the one to break it to you....
No mater how hard you try, they cant hear you thru the screen.
Now that your "in the know" your time should drop way below five minutes.
See.... All that chit chat was costing you!!!

Ha!!! Thought you'd like to know this " I got it!!!" In the know.
Sitting outside having a tasty beverage and thinking about your post, wondering wth is he telling about, then I got it...
Just a couple more and that's it, no more for me... PHHHHH!!!!

D I E S E L wrote:

YEMX wrote:

D I E S E L wrote:

Flying muck wrote:

D I E S E L wrote: Brian, I payed 3 months in a row and had to wait to play the whole time... so now I dont pay or play.
Talked to Z about it, well his response was kinda "oh well" with a web address that went no where ...
That Tank game, well I get taking out right away and yup, BACK TO waiting 5 minutes... lol WTH

Platoon with me sometime in that tank game and I'll try and keep you alive

Lol that's big doing there John
Brian... I need more then 5 minutes for that... Over 50 and all...

Look...... Sorry to be the one to break it to you....
No mater how hard you try, they cant hear you thru the screen.
Now that your "in the know" your time should drop way below five minutes.
See.... All that chit chat was costing you!!!

Ha!!! Thought you'd like to know this " I got it!!!" In the know.
Sitting outside having a tasty beverage and thinking about your post, wondering wth is he telling about, then I got it...
Just a couple more and that's it, no more for me... PHHHHH!!!!

Funny!!! I love it when a joke goes flat and silent for a minute.....

And then....


*******BAM*******

Right when everyone thinks it was a dud!!!
On of my captains calls them "Joke Grenade's" it is kind of an art. It really gets to be fun when I am messing with the bosses and drop one as I am walking out the door, leving them sitting wondering what the hell I was talking about...... BAM!!!! Joke Grenade got his ass!!!

KA5EY wrote:

YEMX wrote:

D I E S E L wrote: Brian, I payed 3 months in a row and had to wait to play the whole time... so now I dont pay or play.
Talked to Z about it, well his response was kinda "oh well" with a web address that went no where ...
That Tank game, well I get taking out right away and yup, BACK TO waiting 5 minutes... lol WTH

And people wonder why porn is so popular.....

I thought it was because of the musical selection...

Yahhhh mannn CAN YOUUUU DIGGGG IT

Yes Rudolf I have noticed that! *takes a running leap into the black hole clutching some celery* I guess it's kinda creative in a way yet somehow shows total lack of communication it's very funny with a mild undertone of annoyance..*hides in the shadows*
It would piss me off if we spoke like that, nothing would get done (unless you lived in a cubist/dadaism kind of a place where the only thing that makes any sense are the silences between words..it will prob die out..*licks squirrel* eat,fly,kill,repeat.

It is not a very promissing sign when a whole generation refers to themselves in the third person....

Is this the noble way of the dodo?

Totally true, maybe it's because these people cannot stand being themselves and kind of 3rd party themselves out of it!..do dos died out I think because they became too friendly with some of the later dinosaurs, who had for no apparent reason started to smoke..boredom I guess waiting for their brains to expand....

Yemx..Rudolf..your posts are great,think there could be a double act possibility, I often read them while laughing out loud..it's a talent chaps.

YEMX said that YEMX said *Turtle bean soup, makes good crumb cake, on second Tuesday of the week* or so he heard from himself.



(Please don't judge... I am a slow learner and this may take awhile to get the hang of)

Right gonna try this again.......sorry it may take a few pages.

That my friends is a series of stages for that pic.pastels with a little oil pastel then at the end sprayed a little with hair spray, to fix it, not for me I've no need being fringe challenged. Hope you like the presentation go on have a go.....eat,play,kill,repeat.

Michael, glad you were able to get it up (paintings you sick bastards) very nice work. To see the stages, is real cool as all the little details pop out.

*WhamBatt-Monkey high jump's turtle poop, Sunday after last, Ke-mo sah-bee your face*

This all reminds me of how I learned "Good Parenting"

It's tax day moms!!!! Did everybody get their checks to Uncle Sam in the mail? I just finished all of my tax documentation I won't have to worry about it again till June

Checking for a pulse--^v--^v--^v

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Edit:that did not work quite right....

YEMX wrote: Checking for a pulse--^v--^v--^v

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Attachment not found

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Edit:that did not work quite right....

I don't know YEMX, it seems to work good for me. But my heart is starting to beat a little fast and loud.

My rate just jumped

YEMX wrote: Checking for a pulse--^v--^v--^v

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Attachment not found

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Edit:that did not work quite right....

Can you pick out the DUDE in this picture? the feeling of Discuss will be overwhelming lol, if you must, put on them cheaters and get your nose about 3 inches from the screen....you'll figure it out

Man I hope that was the yoga class..... Haven't been on much lately... Had a shower disaster that ruined bath and first floor ceiling...be back when the project is done... Have not seen any moms in games lately....

Hey chaps just wondering can some nice mommmer do me a banner I feel I am flyin naked....and nobody wants that!!!!!!...ty.

MICHAEL KANE.. wrote: Hey chaps just wondering can some nice mommmer do me a banner I feel I am flyin naked....and nobody wants that!!!!!!...ty.

I'll try Brother just shoot me a pm and let me know what you want on it. I can also do one like mine but not mine you know two banners in one

My apologise Ghostrider1 bro, i got disconnected while playing meet you later in the skies


Storm