What did the the rock say to the boulder?............................nothing.rocks cant talk..lololololol

Well, I never!!

That is highly inapropriate

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

Blue Max Young wrote: What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

Unless, they have MAGIC!

When I couldn't walk or fly....I had MAGIC.

Knock. Knock.
Who's there?
Ya.
Ya. Who?
Aren't we having fun now!

I had a Pet Rock once. It used to talk to me... I know it was special because I bought it in a real Store...

This is not true, But who the heck come's up with the idea of selling Rocks (Pet Rocks) in stores and makes money on it...... brilliant.....

Bottled water,,,,,, again,,,,,, brilliant

Tuna in a can.......Flippin awsome.......

Did you know doggie biscuits work great in your kids lunch box? Yep they tell all their friends their animal crackers and trade them for all kinds of goodies at school

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming?

Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel

Note: this next one is a little sick, so Manfred and Jackson dont read it;

Why did Suzie drop her ice cream?

She got hit by a bus.

Knock knock-

Who's there?

Not Suzie.

BigC5798 wrote: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming?

Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel

Note: this next one is a little sick, so Manfred and Jackson dont read it;

Why did Suzie drop her ice cream?

She got hit by a bus.

Knock knock-

Who's there?

Not Suzie.

Shame on Suzie for wasting good ice cream.

Why did the baby cross the road?




It was stapled to the chicken.




(And the Suzie joke is awwwffful)

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that you’re dog is dead, too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. So the vet brings in a black Labrador retriever. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.”
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.”
“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaims the man.
“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.

Lololol that was funny

General jackson wrote: Lololol that was funny

Finally!

BrianC219 wrote:

General jackson wrote: Lololol that was funny

Finally!

Just messin. Thanks!

BrianC219 wrote:

BrianC219 wrote:

General jackson wrote: Lololol that was funny

Finally!

Just messin. Thanks!

Lol your welcome!!!

Why fart has smell on it?

Thats for hearing impaired.

BrianC219 wrote: A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that you’re dog is dead, too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. So the vet brings in a black Labrador retriever. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.”
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.”
“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaims the man.
“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.

Awesome

I am still refusing to pay that bill

What's your first thought when you see three lawyers neck deep in sand?

Not enough sand.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, the lightbulb needs to change for itself.

So, the teacher of a high school class is at the front of the room in a cowboys jersey, and asks the class if they like the cowboys. To suck up, they say yes, of course. Then, a student wearing a redskins jersey walks in late. The teacher notices the late student's jersey, and asks why he likes the redskins. He replies, "well, my mom is a redskins fan, and my dad is a redskins fan, so I guess I'm a redskins fan." The teacher then asks, "well, if your mom is an idiot, and your dad is an idiot, what does that make you?" The student replies, "a cowboys fan."

General jackson wrote:

BigC5798 wrote: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming?

Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel

Note: this next one is a little sick, so Manfred and Jackson dont read it;

Why did Suzie drop her ice cream?

She got hit by a bus.

Knock knock-

Who's there?

Not Suzie.

Shame on Suzie for wasting good ice cream.

Lololololololol that was a funny joke and comment

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Kevy wrote: The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

Being a Pharmacist, Mrs Dent found the humor In this... I am now deathly afraid of my next cold....

dentinhead wrote:

Kevy wrote: The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

Being a Pharmacist, Mrs Dent found the humor In this... I am now deathly afraid of my next cold....

Tickle your nose with a feather?
Ahhh I see your "gah-zoon" is not so tight!
Gah-zoon-tight!
Explain's why some say Bless you.

BrianC219 wrote:

dentinhead wrote:

Kevy wrote: The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

Being a Pharmacist, Mrs Dent found the humor In this... I am now deathly afraid of my next cold....

Tickle your nose with a feather?
Ahhh I see your "gah-zoon" is not so tight!
Gah-zoon-tight!
Explain's why some say Bless you.

I just read all this to my wife, daughter, and three niece's. They were laughing and laughing, all the way up to the point that I interjected (crickets chirping in the back ground). Lol the guys at work say I throw out "Joke Grenades" I toss them out there they bounce around, roll for a bit, and after a few seconds *BANG* they go off! So if you didn't get this, don't worry it will come to you the next time you sneeze on a sour stomach.

Drinking alcohol kills neurons ..

neurons that die are the weakest ..

weakest die and remain the strongest and intelligent ..

Conclusion: the more alcohol drink make me smarter

What did the pink panther sing at his mothers sisters funeral???

Dead aunt dead aunt dead aunt.......

Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?

To the dump da da dump da da dump dump dump

Thanks brain you wade my day!

A boy walked into a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to give him something to cure the hiccups. The pharmacist merely leaned over and slapped the kid on the back.

“Why did you do that to me?” – asked the boy.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups now, do you!”
“No, but my M.O.M out in the care still does!” – the boy replied.

Guy on a crowded beach sees a swimmer float up to the shore unconcious. Flips the victim on his back and starts to do chest compressions to aspirate water from lungs....

Pumping, pumping, pumping....victim coughs up lots of water.

Pumping, pumping, pumping...more water, then some sand and sea shells...

Pumping, pumping, pumping ... water, sand, seashells, small bait fish...

Spectator walks up and says, "buddy, I know you're trying to help, but you might want to get his butt out of the water...."

Woman golfer hits a drive out of bounds. Climbs over the fence to hunt for her ball. A few minutes later, a man from a following foursome climbs over the fence to look for his mis hit ball. After several frustrating minutes of this, the guy notices a cow in the field with a somewhat pained expression on its face. He goes over to examine the cow, then lifts its tail to see if there's anything wrong there. As he does, he sees a golf ball wedged under the cows tail (trying to keep it clean here). He turns to the lady and says, Hey lady, does this look like yours?"

It took the surgeons six hours to get the nine iron out of his neck...