Yakuza,
Thanks for your inspiring post!

Yemx, it's been quit a while since i saw this thread active... good to see you kickin' again!
Ill be waiting on those "daily quotes". I truly believe that they do touch the hearts of the dogfight community, and im so glad this thread is back up and running!
~Pie of Jerry
Good share by the way Mad, and wonderful inspiration Yakuza!

Hi,

I don't need help, just somewhere to write this to and get it off my mind.

I'm 29, have PTSD and a life that others would probably desire, apart from having no money, I don't work as I hate everyone else almost as much as I hate me.
My home life is a struggle, I have a wife who (intermittently) loves me, a step-son who I'm sure does love me; but refuses to truly show me and the most amazing son possible. He loves his family so much, he is a funny little character but also very challenging at times (as im sure most five year olds are) but I feel trapped. I know I could be loved more by someone else, in a true, unconditional kinda' way. The step son also cares a lot for me but can't help but constantly push me to the limits. My wife has been put through an awful lot since getting with me and I know I have destroyed many parts of her.
Today I had the urge to hit her, I was so close but luckily didn't, she claims she isn't aware of how ignorant she is and blames me for her having a runny nose!

I genuinely have had enough of life but mustn't ruin my son's life by denying him his father. I know I'm not a bad, awful person but Ben deserves better but no-one else would ever be me.

The problem is, I know the problem and I know the solution but I can't carry through on the solution and ruin Ben's life.

(Unless a five year old would genuinely not be damaged for life by the suicide of his own father?)

Oh fuck, what am I thinking....

Richyroo not dead but signing out for the last time, can't show my face ever back here now I've told the truth.

Thanks to all, even you MoM's and Misfits.

DragonRoo wrote: Hi,

I don't need help, just somewhere to write this to and get it off my mind.

I'm 29, have PTSD and a life that others would probably desire, apart from having no money, I don't work as I hate everyone else almost as much as I hate me.
My home life is a struggle, I have a wife who (intermittently) loves me, a step-son who I'm sure does love me; but refuses to truly show me and the most amazing son possible. He loves his family so much, he is a funny little character but also very challenging at times (as im sure most five year olds are) but I feel trapped. I know I could be loved more by someone else, in a true, unconditional kinda' way. The step son also cares a lot for me but can't help but constantly push me to the limits. My wife has been put through an awful lot since getting with me and I know I have destroyed many parts of her.
Today I had the urge to hit her, I was so close but luckily didn't, she claims she isn't aware of how ignorant she is and blames me for her having a runny nose!

I genuinely have had enough of life but mustn't ruin my son's life by denying him his father. I know I'm not a bad, awful person but Ben deserves better but no-one else would ever be me.

The problem is, I know the problem and I know the solution but I can't carry through on the solution and ruin Ben's life.

(Unless a five year old would genuinely not be damaged for life by the suicide of his own father?)

Oh fuck, what am I thinking....

Richyroo not dead but signing out for the last time, can't show my face ever back here now I've told the truth.

Thanks to all, even you MoM's and Misfits.

Even the strongest of us need help from time to time. There is no shame in admitting it.

I guarantee that others are feeling the way you feel. I guarantee that your struggle is not unique. If you have the strength to admit it here, you have the strength to seek the help you need.

Just know that you are not alone and that help is available.

DragonRoo wrote:
(Unless a five year old would genuinely not be damaged for life by the suicide of his own father?)

Oh fuck, what am I thinking....

Richyroo not dead but signing out for the last time, can't show my face ever back here now I've told the truth.

Thanks to all, even you MoM's and Misfits.

Writing here hoping that you have thought better of things and have not just up and left the forum. I struggled a bit with very near circumstances to this myself, and still do. I'm not a great person to put my thoughts into words but I do want you to know that you have many friends here that are here to listen and/or talk. I'm just a pm away from a voice on the other end of a phone if you need one...

My thoughts are that some people hit the lottery with life and have everything fall into place. They are the ones you see on TV that everyone wants to be like. 99% of the rest of us have struggles. Wether it be money, family issues, addictions, health, ect, or all the above.

Now get your face back in here. No one wants you to go anywhere my friend. And you shouldn't feel a bit ashamed about anything.

If something here didn't come out quite right I do appologise, but I couldnt just read your post and not say something.

Best Wishes my friend.

KA5EY wrote:

DragonRoo wrote:
(Unless a five year old would genuinely not be damaged for life by the suicide of his own father?)

Oh fuck, what am I thinking....

Richyroo not dead but signing out for the last time, can't show my face ever back here now I've told the truth.

Thanks to all, even you MoM's and Misfits.

Writing here hoping that you have thought better of things and have not just up and left the forum. I struggled a bit with very near circumstances to this myself, and still do. I'm not a great person to put my thoughts into words but I do want you to know that you have many friends here that are here to listen and/or talk. I'm just a pm away from a voice on the other end of a phone if you need one...

My thoughts are that some people hit the lottery with life and have everything fall into place. They are the ones you see on TV that everyone wants to be like. 99% of the rest of us have struggles. Wether it be money, family issues, addictions, health, ect, or all the above.

Now get your face back in here. No one wants you to go anywhere my friend. And you shouldn't feel a bit ashamed about anything.

If something here didn't come out quite right I do appologise, but I couldnt just read your post and not say something.

Best Wishes my friend.

KA5EY,

Thank you for not letting this go by, unchallenged or discredited. I know for me that was a very hard thing to read, very close to home, and real delicate to respond to. I was hesitant to respond for fear of, me and my poor word choices. You did a great job, so thank you brother!

Roo,

For me my life became very unhappy. Work sucked, home life sucked, and I seemed to enjoy the company of myself, better then with others. Even to this day, I have a very tough time asking anyone for help with anything. The professionals say it is due to the way I grew up. I had to learn to be, self sufficient at an early age, so I learned not to depend on anyone.

The draw back from this is, we all have question that need help to answer. The road of life is not an easy one, without some kind of directions to follow. I am for the most part, not real educated, from the stand point of, a schooling perspective. However! I have learned a few things the hard way, by falling down and getting banged up in life.

The one thing that is by far the most important, is this......
THEIR IS ALWAYS HELP!
Sometimes I may not like the help, but deep down inside I know I can not do it alone.

If I find myself disagreeing with someone or some situation. I have to ask myself. "What has my part been in this, that has made this an unpleasant situation"? Many times it is, as simple as a misunderstanding. Other times it is that I am full of myself, letting my EGO think that it is bigger and better than anyone else. (EGO = Edging God Out)
I also have a natural gift/curse of sarcasm, that jumps out and cuts at someone in an unfriendly way. Even at times that I don't really mean to, but it still can create a resentment towards me, by someone else.

So I spend allot of time, watching how I am acting, and adjust they way that I am being. I spend allot less time, looking at others and critiquing on them and how they should be doing things. Every person, needs to be... Their "Own" person! It is what makes us all different!

I am very glad that you took the time to let us know, how you were struggling with life. I feel it is true, that everyone has some form of a burden, struggle, setback, let down, heart ship, or any other personal disagreements with life. We don't have to agree with it or even like it. We do have to acknowledge it and learn to work with, or around it. Sometimes that right there can be the very struggle we are up against........ The how? Well it all goes back to asking for help. And their is a tremendous amount of that with in our beautiful community of DogFight!

My name is Brian and I am an alcoholic. That is a "Great Big Fat Fact"! Nothing in this world will ever change that. I have to live with it everyday for the rest of my life. However, I chose to not ignore it and hope that it will go away on it's own. I have to deal with it and keep it in check everyday. Some times every hour, minute, or even down to a second. To keep it from getting its, "EVIL" little hooks back in me. Because that is exactly what it is trying to do!

For me to learn this, I had to want to change and then go ask for the help to find that change.

"I PRAY YOUR HEART FINDS THE PEACE, IT SO SOUNDS THAT IT MAY NEED"

Hi again,

I won't take up too much time other than to apologise for my vent here, I was at a very low point and needed to get thoughts out, I typed that as an email, then thought of posting it to this thread as everyone here seem to have some kind of understanding as to the real troubles of life. I don't know for sure but I've always felt that drink and drunk abuse stems from trying to hide ones true emotions and as im sure some of you may have noticed over the last two years, I have one or two emotional issues.
I have been on antidepressants for eight years, have had 8 sessions of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) three sessions of private therapy, 12 sessions of specific councilling and since march '13 I have been under supervision from my local community mental health team which has involved weekly psychotherapy and fortnightly home visits from a mental health nurse. The therapy has come to an end this week as they believe I have come such a long way, but in the last six weeks I've had a large fire at home, benjamin hospitalised via ambulance, death of a 'family' member plus this Tuesday I was informed that an old and much loved friend has been remanded and placed in psyciatric care following an incident in which he killed a friend.
This is by no means a justification for my ways, just a insight to the fact I'm trying hard to sort myself out, but it's really hard.

Thanks for all your replies,

You're all too kind,

Rich

I can, I will, I am.

Now go out into this world and prove yourself right, because proving them wrong is a negative reward. Don't we all have enough negative? The only way to combat the negative is with and equal and opposite action. Go fourth and be the warrior, opposing negative!

Dragon mi amigo,todo tiene una continuacion,una lectura,un pensamiento una obras.todos un destino,sigue tu destino mi amigo,no pienses en las adversidades que las abrá,intenta encontrarte a ti mismo para que encuentres a su vez lo mas justo,para ti y tu familia.rodeate de cosas bonitas libera tu mente.sigue escribiendo aqui sin miedo mi amigo yo y otros muchos te escucharemos esta gran familia no deja a nadie de lado tu tampoco debes dejar la tuya,ni tampoco esta
yo te aprecio mucho y lo sabes heres una gran persona y debes seguir tu camino y enseñarselo a ben y a tu mujer y a tu familia y apoyarte en ella.no debes sentir verguenza libera tus pensamientos y te liberaras tu amigo.yo aqui estare para lo que pueda ayudarte un abrazo.
traducelo no si no se lee bien vale?hasta pronto.

Dragon my friend, everything has a continuation, a reading, a thought one obras.todos a destination, follow your destiny my friend, do not think adversity that t must try to find yourself to find turn as fair for you and your beautiful things familia.rodeate free your mente.sigue fearless writing here my friend and many will listen this great family leaves no side you must not let yours, nor is
I appreciate and know heres a great person and you must follow your path and teach it to ben and your wife and family and support you in ella.no should feel shame free your thoughts and you'll be free your amigo.yo here for what I can help you a hug.
Traducelo not if you do not read well worth? you soon.

The stupid little struggles of every day reminds me of why its tough to be a recovering alcoholic.

I'll start again tomorrow.

thanks for keeping this thread going yemx. it's good to see a little light each day.

hi gang, i have some happy news to report! it has now been 2 full years since i had my last drink of alcohol.


i'd be lying if i said this thread didnt help me to stay on track a couple times. honestly, my main celebration idea for my 2 years is posting this right here. sharing my happy news with some random strangers who i know only by screen name but care about just like they were physically sitting next to me. what a crazy life change....i think back to where i was 2 years ago and where i am today and it is no comparison. life is 1000000% better without the booze.

i havent shared much of my story because i am still living it. nothing is ever certain, and i could fall at any moment. the thing that keeps me on track is happiness. i havent been this happy in many years. i am comfortable with myself and df has helped me to do that.

dogfight became therapy for me in a way. when i joined the game i had become isolated from real friends due to being a drunk. they were still there and still are there, but something had changed. so getting a chance to speak to people and just be myself in world chat helped me to feel like a nice guy again. dogfight has been so many things to me for so many reasons and i am glad to have shared them with everyone.

thanks for keeping this thread open. it really does help people

horriblebreast wrote: hi gang, i have some happy news to report! it has now been 2 full years since i had my last drink of alcohol.


i'd be lying if i said this thread didnt help me to stay on track a couple times. honestly, my main celebration idea for my 2 years is posting this right here. sharing my happy news with some random strangers who i know only by screen name but care about just like they were physically sitting next to me. what a crazy life change....i think back to where i was 2 years ago and where i am today and it is no comparison. life is 1000000% better without the booze.

i havent shared much of my story because i am still living it. nothing is ever certain, and i could fall at any moment. the thing that keeps me on track is happiness. i havent been this happy in many years. i am comfortable with myself and df has helped me to do that.

dogfight became therapy for me in a way. when i joined the game i had become isolated from real friends due to being a drunk. they were still there and still are there, but something had changed. so getting a chance to speak to people and just be myself in world chat helped me to feel like a nice guy again. dogfight has been so many things to me for so many reasons and i am glad to have shared them with everyone.

thanks for keeping this thread open. it really does help people

HB!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Great Job and thank you for letting the rest of us know how well you are doing!
There is no doubt that life can and always will have it's up's and down's. However I certainly, like you have found that facing the world with all of its struggles, is so much easier to do with a clearer head, and an inner peace that I have learned from many facets of my life. From A.A. to even this game and world we all here share, I have learned that bringing a positive attitude, and a kind approach to this, and life has become such a rewarding experience for me.

See when I first started playing this game. I felt an overwhelming urge to be full of compliments... I don't know how many other players would say "Nice Job or Good Shooting" to the player that just shot them down, but that was something I started to do right off the bat. I know I threw off many players and it still catches the newer players off guard because I get that "What did you mean" question often! It always cracks me up because so many are not used to the nice game play and good fellowship that DogFight has brought to the gaming world.

Congrats HB, on your anniversary. Always happy to see you and Yemmer on DF.

Why One Man Quit

I drank for happiness and became unhappy
I drank for joy and became miserable
I drank to be outgoing and became self centered
I drank for sociability and became argumentative and lonely
I drank for sophistication and became crude and obnoxious
I drank for friendship and made enemies
I drank for sleep and awakened without rest
I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self pity
I drank for strength and felt weak
I drank to prove my masculinity and it sapped my potency
I drank medicinally and it made me sick
I drank because I thought my job called for it and lost my job
I drank for relaxation and got the shakes
I drank for confidence and became uncertain
I drank for courage and became afraid
I drank for assurance and became doubtful
I drank to stimulate thought and blacked out
I drank to make conversation and it tied my tongue
I drank for warmth and lost me cool
I drank for coolness and lost my warmth
I drank to feel heavenly and came to know HELL
I drank to forget and became haunted
I drank to erase problems and saw them multiply
I drank to cope with life and invited death..... or worse
I drank because I had the right and everything turned out wrong


(Unknown Author)
"The first one; for me, is too many and a thousand aren't enough."
"I made it a rule, "I don't drink while I'm sober"