So, I am making this for a lot of reasons:
1. I have noticed that most of the people out there are all platinum boarders. Being nowhere near to that, I decided it would be nice to have a place to post.
2. It can be difficult to get Thank-Yous. Well, this will solve that problem quite well!
3. Most importantly, the overall mood of the forum has gone down recently, and I hope this will fix it!

How it will work:
Post something funny. It can be a joke, a picture, or a story. Just nothing racist, sexual, or discriminating. Everyone who reads it will thank you, if it is funny, and you can come back and thank others who tell jokes here, too!

I'll start it all off with a good old classic: "Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducked!!!"

Ok here we go. Not my best but thought I'd try and link it to flying and aviation

Can you telephone from an aeroplane?

Of course you can tell a phone from a plane!!!

Ok, it has to be clean right?
Two termites walk in to a bar, one says is the Bartender here?
Get it?

Is the BAR. TENDER. HERE.

OH VON

OH DAVY

[M]VonKopp wrote: Ok, it has to be clean right?
Two termites walk in to a bar, one says is the Bartender here?
Get it?

Is the BAR. TENDER. HERE.

And that's why the Jolly Roger got a refurbishing... Told em not to use that pine...

This was told to me as part of a children's boarding lesson on Whistler (I'm not good I was in the children's class) so it should be clean enough.

What ind of bees make milk??????



Boobies.

A seasoned pilot is training an over-eager new rookie co-pilot and lets him take the controls for the final approach.

Pilot: "It's all yours. Remember your training, sound off and bring it in nice and smooth."

Co pilot: "Roger that. All clear. No wind. Bringing it down to 500'"

Pilot: "Um, doesn't the runway look a little short to you?"

Co pilot: "Roger that. Flaps to 15deg, throttle down to 2500rpm, descending to 200'."

Pilot: "Umm... You should really reconsider..."

Co pilot: "Roger. Flaps to 25deg, throttle to 1500rpm, descending to 50'."

Pilot: "There's no way we're gonna make it! Abort!"

Co pilot: "Negative! I've got this! Flaps to 45deg! Throttle off! Nose up!"

Pilot: "You idiot! Were gonna die!"


Somehow the co-pilot pulls off a perfect stall-landing and the plane only rolls a few feet before coming to a complete stop at the far edge of the tarmac. They sit there in shock for a minute as they review their lives which have just flashed before their eyes.


Co pilot: "That is the shortest runway I've ever seen!"

Pilot; "Yea, but it sure is wide."

McFate, thats probably the best on e on here so far!

Yes MC FATE has the best one lol. Very good.


How does a MISFIT know if he has landed his airplane with his gear up?


BECAUSE IT TAKES FULL POWER TO TAXI TO THE HANGER.


My uncle, a ww2 pilot did that very thing many many years ago, landed with his gear up, it ground off the bottom of the fuselage and he lost both of his legs in the accident.

He was then fitted with a beautiful pair of highly varnished wooden legs.

Last month while lighting a cigar his legs caught on fire AND HE BURNT TO THE GROUND.

Geez... You must not have liked your uncle much...

Ok let's try another


One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind.

The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers don't react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly down the runway and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!"

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says " hey Bub, why the long face?"

Get it? I didnt think you would!

A huge bear walks into a bar and tells the barkeep, "I'll have a shot of rye and........................................................................................................a beer."
Bartender says " sure! But what's with the big pause?"

A neutron sidles up to the bar. "A beer please," he says. Bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint." The second asks for half a pint. The third asks for a quarter of a pint. The fourth asks for an eighth of a pint, and so on...

"Alright, you idiots," the bartender says, and he pours two pints.

...For you math whizzes out there.

Why did the casino manager beat up the horse?

He couldnt saddle his debts

A Brazilian advertisement for Dove for Men...

[youtube][/youtube]

A professor an old man and a kid are on a plane when the pilot
Tells them the plane is going down and their are only
3 parachutes on board. Then he jumps off with one of them.

The professor turns to the kid and old man
And tells them the world needs him. The old man has lived
And is no longer of use to society and the kid is too
Young to be of any use either. Saying this he jumps
Off as well.

The old man, accepting the certainty of his death tells
The kid to jump leaving him to go down with the plane as
He has a future to loook forward to.

The kid looks at him puzzled and says why would u die,
We still have two chutes. The old man asks him how thats possible.

'You see sir' says the kid, 'in his urgency to jump off
The plane, the professor strapped on my schoolbag
Instead of a parachute.'

Kptn Singh wrote: A professor an old man and a kid are on a plane when the pilot
Tells them the plane is going down and their are only
3 parachutes on board. Then he jumps off with one of them.

The professor turns to the kid and old man
And tells them the world needs him. The old man has lived
And is no longer of use to society and the kid is too
Young to be of any use either. Saying this he jumps
Off as well.

The old man, accepting the certainty of his death tells
The kid to jump leaving him to go down with the plane as
He has a future to loook forward to.

The kid looks at him puzzled and says why would u die,
We still have two chutes. The old man asks him how thats possible.

'You see sir' says the kid, 'in his urgency to jump off
The plane, the professor strapped on my schoolbag
Instead of a parachute.'

thought this was a fun thread. That's 2 of the worst jokes I've heard.

Oldie but still funny..

What's the difference between God and a pilot?

God doesn't think he's a pilot....

Heff006 wrote:

Kptn Singh wrote: A professor an old man and a kid are on a plane when the pilot
Tells them the plane is going down and their are only
3 parachutes on board. Then he jumps off with one of them.

The professor turns to the kid and old man
And tells them the world needs him. The old man has lived
And is no longer of use to society and the kid is too
Young to be of any use either. Saying this he jumps
Off as well.

The old man, accepting the certainty of his death tells
The kid to jump leaving him to go down with the plane as
He has a future to loook forward to.

The kid looks at him puzzled and says why would u die,
We still have two chutes. The old man asks him how thats possible.

'You see sir' says the kid, 'in his urgency to jump off
The plane, the professor strapped on my schoolbag
Instead of a parachute.'

thought this was a fun thread. That's 2 of the worst jokes I've heard.

Whats the other one :]

Kptn Singh wrote:

Heff006 wrote:

Kptn Singh wrote: A professor an old man and a kid are on a plane when the pilot
Tells them the plane is going down and their are only
3 parachutes on board. Then he jumps off with one of them.

The professor turns to the kid and old man
And tells them the world needs him. The old man has lived
And is no longer of use to society and the kid is too
Young to be of any use either. Saying this he jumps
Off as well.

The old man, accepting the certainty of his death tells
The kid to jump leaving him to go down with the plane as
He has a future to loook forward to.

The kid looks at him puzzled and says why would u die,
We still have two chutes. The old man asks him how thats possible.

'You see sir' says the kid, 'in his urgency to jump off
The plane, the professor strapped on my schoolbag
Instead of a parachute.'

thought this was a fun thread. That's 2 of the worst jokes I've heard.

Whats the other one :]

DAVY says, it couldn't have been mine because my joke was absolutely hilarious.

I'm sure u all agree!

So two guys on wheelchairs walked into a bar....


What wat y ru guys lookn at me like that


Im sorry

I was raised better then this

A snail enters a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve Snails here!!" and throws him out.

A couple weeks later, the snail comes back in and says, "What did you do that for?"

I've been watching Game of a Thrones, HBO series, it's really good. I really laughed when I saw the named of the actor who plays
Tyrion Lannister..

He's the midget..very good actor so that's why I looked..

Peter Dinklage dear lord

Guys, seeing as so many of these jokes are plane jokes, should I change the name to "A Plane Old Fun Thread?"

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arms

The man says "honey this is the pig i sleep with when you have a headache"

The wife then says "I think you will find out that you have a sheep"

The man then said " I think you will find out I wasn't talking to you "

Davy Crockett wrote: A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arms

The man says "honey this is the pig i sleep with when you have a headache"

The wife then says "I think you will find out that you have a sheep"

The man then said " I think you will find out I wasn't talking to you "

Brutal! Hahaha