Oh Comet I have to agree! Got a embarrassing moment I will share.
So today I'm out doing my job the beginnings of another normal Monday. I pull up to my first stop, a commercial building with multiple suites.
The section I was working in today 90% were vacant. Now these suites once upon a time had multiple businesses in them ranging from cell phone stores to chessy ambulance chasing lawyers offices to nail shops for ladies (or Hulk). The power is usually always turned off and the water is only on about half the time.
The property management company has a suite on the other side, so I start there and pick up the (vacancy key).
Task one complete.
I drive over to the end of the property and decide which one I want to start with. Now what I am doing is reverse engineering fires sprinkler systems, either for a tenant improvement or they lost their hydraulic calculation plate. A survey to simplify my being there I am performing a survey of the fire sprinkler system. Anyhoo, I look through the windows and see that this particular one has an open ceiling concept meaning I can see the piping from the ground. Sweet an easy one to start with, I thought to myself. I open the door, beep beep beep SHIT! this one has an alarm system and I didnt get the code! I quick try default codes 0000, 1234, 1111 4321 nothing! Oh and my 30 seconds just ran out WHOOP-WHOOP-WHOOP the burglar alram sounded.
Mistake one completed
So I quick jump in the truck and hual ass back to the property management suite. Ma'am I set off your alarm, would you happen to know the code to silence th panel? She smiles and gives me the code all the while on the phone. Now this is normal I think to myself, I'm sure she is on the phone with the alarm company explaining my folly. I assumed anyways.
Mistake 2 completed
So I drive back to the suite, silence the alarm and start getting to work. 5 minutes into it my morning coffee hits. I look around no bathroom huh, thats weird. Oh well I have the key! I lock this suite and head to the next, now that I have the code everthing will be just fine.
Mistake 3 completed
I enter the next suite (lock the door behind me), silence the panel and begin my search of a toilet. Ive got me trusty flash light since as I said power is off to the vacant suites. I moving cautiously deeper into the darken suite (you never know if there is a zombie waiting to eat your brains) round a corner AH-HA success a bathroom! Now to test it to make sure once I'm done it will flush, once again luck is going my way it flushes and I can hear the tank refilling......slow I notice but either way it definitely is filling.
Mistake 4 completed
So there I am minding my own buisness, flash light propped up in the sink shinning on the ceiling giving the whole bathroom a nice ambiance I must say. Ohhh nooo before I started I forgot to make sure the was a roll of TP, I frantically start searching the bathroom walls from where I was perched................there! on top of the paper towel dispenser sat the most glorious roll of TP I have ever laid eyes on. My heart rate began to return to normal after the discovery.
Thats when I hear the most confusing demands of my little oasis. BANG-BANG-BANG .........I wait and listen........BANG-BANG-BANG! Again with more force, I begin to think that maybe an individual had seen me enter the suite and thought it was now open for business but what kind of idiot couldnt see that it was still vacant. Again BANG-BANG-BANG and the next phrase said left me with no question as to WHO was so adamant about getting in....POLICE OPEN THE DOOR! BANG-BANG-BANG! why are the police here? My mind was reeling, I quick reach for the TP, I hate being rushed when cleaning my back side!(mean while the police are still thumping away) Finish up and and and go to flush.............ohhhhhh nooooo the tank is still filling.......I press the lever and just watch as all Ive accomplished is stirring the pot.....literally!
I come rounding the corner with my flash light in hand (thinking to myself maybe this doesnt look so good) right in to the waiting arms of the most beautiful female police officer I have ever seen (The property manager had let them in on my account of not answer the door). I drop my flash light and stumble back all the while apologizing for my clumsiness. Thats when I notice she is looking down at my crotch (I'm thinking "yeah I dont blame her") but her partner on the other hand clears his throat loudly enough to get my attention. I look down......horror is all I can feel, in my haste to answer the constant banging I only refastend my belt leaving my pants and fly undone.
Mistake 5,6,7 completed
I quickly turn around to fasten the rest of my trousers and it hits me like a solid brick wall!

There is no fart fan and the toilet did nothing but conjur up the death that had escaped my body moments before. I quickly start explaining that I was there on business all the while trying to move everyone towards the door to prevent them from really getting to know me
Lucky break one!
I corralled them outside, the property manager explained yes I was there on business, yes I set off the burglar alarm and no she has NOT talked to the alarm company. Miss America police officer then turns to me and asks (I'm sure she knew but just wanted to make me squirm) so Jared....what took you so long to answers our calls?.......silence..........I finally felt I was already at rock bottom I might as well be honest. I responded, "Well if you must know i was going BOOM!" It seemed to lighten mood a bit but still I felt about the size of an ant......
Yay Mondays!